Love Poem

I write to self-punish,
I don't write to self-punish,
when I work out,
I make sure my body aches,
aches until I can feel
of fat, bone,
muscles and sweat.

When I eat, every bite's
a calorie counted
and when I swallow
ingredients are well known,
when my stomach is empty,
its growl is my self-punishment
of how little I have grown.

The books I read, self-punishment
for ignorance,
my openness, self-punishment
for years of reclusion,
my love, self-punishment for my
lack of

the girls I date, self-punishment for
the guys I date, self-punishment for
the indifferent and playful girls I date,
sex, self-punishment for making love,
making love, self-punishment
for being skeptical
(and why do I always prove myself wrong?)

drugs, self-punishment for being
way too sober,
music, self-punishment to silence,

loving you, just another self-punishment.



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