Inner Self

Monologue

The boy, already confused in excess dared to ask him. No, not really. Alright, it is really necessary to ask:
- I don’t know how to live… I am afraid, too much confusion, too many choices, up’s and down’s. I always choose that that exists to crumble.
The old man smiled sideways, raised his eyebrows. He let a small laughter slip, like everything was way too obvious for him, way too clear, overcolored and perhaps he found his childish way of expressing things too simplified and lacking in better grammatical construction.
- Son, you live this way for you live in the past. The past is, for the most part, the only moment in time we know, and this is why we never free ourselves from it. We let it tame us. The past you see, if you fail you fail not in a new mistake, but in the same one. Past/ prison/patterns.
He paused.
The boys’ phone wouldn’t stop vibrating. Work, it must be work. He would never leave unless it was a matter of life and death. He thought more death in this case.
When it stopped the old man carried on.
- How can you dare deny something that you yet don’t know, presupposing that it will thus fail? Simple. Because automatically you transform everything in past, therefore you already know the end. However, young man, life is bigger than present, past and future. The glory is found in empiricism, not in passivism or nihilism. When regretting, regret that which you did not do, rather than that you did. Not because you are justifying things in your head, but in order to gain a different perspective of your mistakes. Regret, for example, not having said “yes” to that which you really regret, rather than saying you regret saying “yes”. The future, just like the present and past, is dubious, it’s uncertain, even those things we already know is unknown in its totality.
He made some tricks with his can and swung it from one side to the other.
The boy looked confused but asked him anyways.
- Are you happy?
The old man seemed unhappy with his question.
- Happy? I am a pendulum boy.
The stroke of mid-day. The elder stood up from the seat he was, across from our character’s side, and walked away. The unemployed boy whose Zodiac was Libra remained perplexed on the amount of projections he made in the universe. The phone vibrating again, his dealer was the only person who could really help him deal with everything around him. It’s too much.