The stranger, the difference he made, he will never know

The man in the subway
smiled at me:
he knew my smile was
safe and serene,
he thought I was whole
and upright,
and just because he thought so
I started believing in it too.

About Synchronicities and Patterns

I am still trying to decipher the logic of patterns in my life, and in conjunction, how to interpret the synchronicities flying before my eyes. At the present moment I am obsessing over why 19 out of 20 times that I am walking to work the light to cross to the other side of Columbus Avenue, where I eventually have to go to, is simply not green.
Due to that impertinent light I am forced to walk straight up for another block, which, FINE, it’s still OK and it’s still on my way, but it bothers me, why, WHY can’t I just cross first and then walk that other block?
So I decided to carefully observe every single thing on that side of the block. Oh my God, I was just completely blown away by so many things that there were in that 264 x 1056 square block! Maybe I was meant to trip on a one million dollar check!
Thus I spent a couple of days scanning the ground in search for my fortunate treasure. I gave up on it when I started tripping too much on absolutely nothing, because obviously I’m not used to walking like some sort of famished dog sniffing every bit of the ground in hope to find some leftovers.
Then I thought maybe I was meant to find my soul mate! Yeah… so I embodied the seductress huntress persona and threw as many fatale gazes as I could into every person’s eyes (well, not really every person… oddly enough they seemed to range between age 24 and 30 and be either tall, blond with blue or green eyes or medium-height black-haired sexy, hot, beautiful women. But that’s just a coincidence!).
Some smiled back, some were highly disturbed by my look. I don’t blame them, I mean, I was staring at them like when you’re expecting someone to tell you something you know? “So… what’s up…? [looooong pause] Are you gonna reveal yourself as my soul mate now or what?”.
Anyways, back to all this being just a coincidence, the question that pops up to my head is whether everything happens for a reason or if there are some things that just happen. If there are things that just happen randomly then I surely believe in coincidences, which I am sure I don’t. I know it’s not in my power to explain everything and find all these why’s, but random? I don’t buy it.
Having this issue solved, let’s talk about synchronicities. For instance, my subconscious screamed “hot, tall, blonde, medium-height, black-haired, beautiful, foxy ladies, pleeeeaseeeee!” therefore alluring the energies that read those characteristics to my welcoming lap.
It would be possible though to perhaps have ran into a fat, bald, old lady whose energy really felt and believed that it contained the points I sought, as well as it would be possible that a strikingly beautiful woman passed by me unknown, for maybe she was deeply feeling unsexy and unwanted.
Well, still to this day I have not yet found my soul mate. So I tried thousands of other different approaches in order to find anything meaningful enough to explain to me why the universe prevented me from crossing. Maybe I’d die if crossed! That sounded like a logical explanation. I have always envisioned myself dying in a car and I was definitely not ready to die, so yeah… it made sense… sort of.
It still remains a mystery to me this particular pattern of non-crossing, but I have not yet given up trying to understand where the synchronicities are taking me. It is fascinating and exciting.
The reason why I don’t stop trying to analyze them is because I refuse the idea of fatalism. Being said so, I believe I contribute in part to the control on how things unfold in my life. It is up to the universe, true, but it is also up to me.
Sometimes, aren’t you in a situation where you really, really wanted something and then the very opposite just happened? And years later you look back and you’re like “fuck yeah, thank God I didn’t hook up with that crazy dude. He’s in jail now for murder” or something? Believe me, NOT a coincidence.
And how about when you finally find someone incredible, and awesome and you both decide to be into a relationship and then bang! Bang!: all these hot ladies come flying at you, calling you, all of a sudden! Telling you how much they want to “hang out” and shit… So intriguing… yes, but this is story for another chapter.

Cosmic Gate

Oh my God,

everything is so warm:

from my eyes drops of beauty,

I cry beauty,

from my eyes splash of beauty,

from my eyes... I water beauty

moistening my face,

I was my own drops of beauty,

those rolling down my cheeks,

joy and beauty washing down

the cracked skin of my cheeks,

lotuses float on my lake,

there's a small cherry tree above me,

the yellow flower, one on my ear, three

thousand of them by my feet,

I want to lay down on that field of

peace, let me, let me hold your hand

my lemon grass-sage lady, my muse,

my man, my brother, my teacher and student,

my inspiration, the reverberating beat

of my soul.

Synchronicities

We called in sick:

lovesick.

Coffee, 24 hours awake

and counting!

elegant retro bike

found in the trash,

hold my hand,

grab my waist

we're riding to the sand

where our feet touch

the ocean where the

clouds are our shelter

but forget the umbrella

for the rain is coming

slowly, then showers of

alignment with the

universe

and thunderstorm alluring

us to the nakedness

of skinny-dipping,

oh, Govinda, I see

my heart

serene and fast

out of my chest

she holds it dearly.

The sun set behind

the transparent clouds:

it is clear what we are.

Emotional Splatters

Fingertips explode

in splatter of orange

then in yellow-sun then

in electric blue

as they run across

my lower back

(my lover's back)

and back to the top

of my steep neck,

the sheets white

then patterns of

gold and brown mandalas

spread all over them

when I roll over her,

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

splatter splatter

shapes blinking squares

of emotional swirls...

ahhhhhhhh!

How our cells burst into

powder of love and the

dust of energy dissipates

in the air and mingles

with jasmine incense,

our rhythmic

sweat,

our moans percussion live,

your hair the intertwined

feelings now running

through my hand...

Your flower touching mine.

Mirabai, mira

como derretome por ti!